thedispatch | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

[ Every so often, things went smoothly at the London Dispatch and the group was able to take some time to relax and hit the local pub together. It was usually Ronald or Eric's idea. Alan would quietly agree they could use the calming atmosphere after such a long work week. William always had to be convinced to join in the excursion. And Grell always showed up late, having to go home to 'freshen up'

Tonight happens to be one of those nights. No scheduled reapings and paperwork up to date. Time to unwind~ ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ And even though he's agreed to come along, William still looks rather displeased and stiff as he sips his bourbon. ]

[Just leave it to Ronald and Eric to somehow convince him to come along. Then again it was best to come along rather than to let them come alone and have to come after they've gotten up to their usual troublemaking. He's content to sit at their table with William but tilts his head a bit. That sour face is a bit troubling and it makes Alan worry a bit.

There's nothing to be lost is William shuts him out. He knows this much and it might be best to approach him before the others come to the table while they're waiting for drinks and things. Thhat's how after a split second's hesitation he finds himself reaching over to touch William's shoulder gently.]

Is something the matter, William? You to be a bit out sorts. If you wanted or needed to talk, I'm a very good listener.

[ William's just sort of staring into the distance, lost in his own thoughts. So Alan's touch catches him a bit off guard. He startles slightly, hearing only the last bit of Alan's question. ]

I'm sorry?

[So he is right to be concerned.]

What's the matter? If you talk about it and share it the problem might not seem so big. Who knows, maybe I can help a bit somehow.

[A pause, his eyes looking William over as if trying to see what's wrong.]

I'd like to help you if I can.

[ He frowns almost immediately, more in confusion than annoyance. ]

I never said anything was wrong.

[ Perhaps he should have expected Alan to notice something, but in all honestly, he had no idea his inner thoughts were being outwardly portrayed at all. At least, in a way that was different from his normal stern features. ]

Sometimes you don't have to. Want to talk to me about it?

[He sighs softly sitting back in his chair. Surely William didn't think that everthing needed to be said though. He had to know that there were ways to communucate without speaking.]

Well to be honest, you agreed with very little fuss. It makes me think your mind might be elsewhere.

[ He sighs, taking another sip of his drink. Still, he's quiet for a decent amount of time before finally saying something. ]

I'm not certain what I'm doing with myself anymore.

What makes you so uncertain?

[The younger reaper toys with his own drink, a gloved finger trailing the rim of it thoughtfully.]

Are you unhappy with how things are now?

I've never been particularly happy with it, to begin with.

I used to look at this sentence as a way to distract myself from everything. But now...

[ He trails off, shaking his head. ]

[He understood that being unhappy. None of them were here because they had been happy after all.]

But now?

[He's prompting gently watching William. Surely he's not unhappy here in this life too? He certainly hoped not, Alan actually liked this new life even if it was supposed to be a punishment.]

Distracting yourself from something doesn't make the problem go away it's still there in the end, until you confront it. But the good part of it now is you don't have to face it alone.

[ He hesitates on continuing. How does he form what he wants to say? And why should he expect anyone, even Alan, to listen and feel sympathetic? He's not unique in his depression. Perhaps he feels like speaking up makes him look selfish, like his issues hold more weight than any of the others. ]

...Is there any reason for me to put in all this effort?

Well I think that we're all going to be here for sometime regardless of the effort we put in. I think maybe it would be a good idea for you not to work yourself to the bone but enjoy yourself a bit more.

[He takes a sip of his drink then smiles a bit before tugging his gloves off.]

After all we're supposed to be learning about the value of life and life isn't just mindless work. It's friends and family - which is what our dispatch is supposed to be. Whatever happens after this, Heaven or redemption - whatever comes after we don't know for sure but I think we should make every effort to reach it but also every effort to enjoy the moment and each other's company.

[ He looks at Alan for a good moment. Perhaps he'd never thought to look at it that way, or perhaps he never knew how to, in the first place. ]

Are you not plagued by your past?

I-

[Well that's a good question so he'll take a minute because he knows this moment is rare and it's important to be honest.]

I used to, sometimes I still am a bit. The things I never did, the people I left behind... There are things I still regret.

[He's sure everyone has their regrets, mistakes and things they had done just a tiny bit differently. He doesn't want to dwell on them it does no good.]

But I started to look at the good that came out of it so it isn't so bad. If I hadn't done that, I would have never met any of you. I wouldn't be here to comfort the dying - to bring their souls and records to judgement or help them find peace. I think that's important.

Edited 2015-08-02 15:12 (UTC)

Meeting you lot is probably the best of the situation.

[ At least he's admitted that. But Alan's kind and nurturing. This is probably the best job for him. William just does the job as he's expected to, not paying any mind to who he's reaping or why, unless the paperwork dictates him to. ]

I wish I had your optimism.

I'm glad to see that you feel that way as well, Sir. We all feel the same about you I'm certain.

[He is. He's sure that this is true because well Grell makes no secret of his fondness for William and Ronald and Eric care in their own ways. They just weren't as over-the-top as Grell.]

Is it really so hard to find some happiness here? I've always considered the dispatch my family - it helps not miss my old one so much.

[Cue a soft smile a little laugh.]

Ronald is like a little brother. Then Grell is enough of a handful to be a least three whole siblings on his own. I guess you'd be the big brother, maybe the father - better than mine by leaps. Then there's Eric but -

[He gestures a hand a little dismissive wave and soft eh sound because he's not even sure. Sometimes he's the little brother, sometimes the oool older brother sometimes he's not even a brother at all and that throws off the family comparison.]

Point is, you can be happy if you try.

[ The comment about him being the 'father figure' returns that crease to his brow. He's not sure he wants to be thought of that way, even if it is meant as good thing. ]

I don't believe there is anything that will keep me from missing my daughter. And unfortunately, that dictates my mood more than anything else.

Well you're always going to miss her. That isn't something that will ever stop I'm afraid. It just is - that's the nature of loss and love they don't ever really leave your heart. We just find better ways to cope with the emptiness.

[He frowns a bit before reaching again for William this time his wrist.]

Nothing is going to bring you both back on the same plane and that's heartbreaking fact. However, it wasn't your fault. I know you. Whatever happened wasn't your doing you're a good man and whatever happened was very much beyond your control. I believe this even without you telling me because that is simply how you are.

[He draws in a breath pausing for a moment. They're already in tricky territory but he'strying his best to tread carefully.]

Speaking as a father's child, I can tell you that though we're partedI wish no ill on my father. I'm certain your daughter is the same. She wouldn't want you to suffer or blame yourself. I'm certain that she knows you love and care for her deeply even now.

I suppose I always felt it was selfish or neglectful of me to move on. It is rather hard to change one's mindset.

[ A pause and he looks down to where Alan had attempted to make a comforting contact between them. Slowly he places his opposite hand over Alan's - a simple gesture that spoke just how grateful he was for the man to listen and not judge or ridicule him. ]

Hearing it from someone else helps.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only