thedispatch | (no subject)

(no subject)

[ Graduating from the reaper academy was nothing to brag about. Sure you gained some skills and were granted permission to customize your glasses and scythe, but beyond that, all that was in the newly trained reapers' future was tedious, unavoidable work encased within long nights of depression and regret. Unlike mortal graduations that were followed by celebration, reapers were informed of how they came to be, what was expected of them, should they wish to redeem themselves, and then shown their personal cinematic records. Forced to relive the pain of their mortal lives. To say it's a traumatic experience is a vast understatement.

William stands alone in his newly assigned, permanent flat. It's barely furnished, with just the essentials, no life or personality to be seen. All that's playing through his mind is his record. A horrific thing to rewatch, certainly, but somehow it was made more painful by a fear that had been newly established. He's suddenly feeling sick from the thoughts and has to exit the apartment to collect himself. Glancing up, he sees a brief flicker of bright red at the end of the hall, and before he can stop himself he's following after it. ]

Grell Sutcliffe?

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[ Petting through his hair, she quietly shushes him. Though she should be emotionally deplenished, this seems to open an entirely new vein for her.

Damn it all. She had explicitly asked him if he wished to part ways, she gave him his chance-- but she still feels a pang in her chest. It's a bizarre sensation, surely. Not once had she batted an eye over the women she murdered, and she gutted her lover before she would allow her weakness... but now, William cries in her arms, and she feels undone.

She felt less at war with herself when she stared down death for the first time. ]

I chose to jump from the cliffs of Beachy Head. The impact of the water crippled me, and the coldness of the water pierced my skin like knives. My lungs ached the most, smothered with water...

[ A shaky breath, as she scoffs at herself. ]

This is far more torturous...

[ William takes a deep, shaking breath. He squeezes his eyes shut, hoping to cut off the tears before finally pulling back. It doesn't help much, and he's quickly running the back of his hand under his eyes, half in an attempt to regain some compossure. They're red, as are his cheeks. ]

Honestly, I have no reason to act this way. Yourself, all our reaper brethren, you have all gone through torturous events which permanently scarred you. I have nothing to put blame on, completely selfish for expecting any pity from anyone.

[ He's never shown himself to be so vulnerable. Though he's always wondered how he held it back. ]

Edited 2020-12-13 00:20 (UTC)

[ Grell takes in the sight before her with some wonder - along with it, however, are equal parts distress and aggravation.

With care, she wipes her fingers across his wetted cheeks, before taking his face in her hands. ]

You must hear me; I don't pity you, I love you. Denying yourself truths like this is what keeps you suspended in this cycle. Accept your sadness, deny it power over you, and listen to those you trust, damn it...

[ Somehow those few sentences she speaks to him make more sense than anything he's heard from doctors or nurses. It's slow coming, but he finally nods. ]

I don't expect it will be easy, but I will try.

[ Shaking her head, she leans in to press her forehead to his. ]

You mustn't try; make it work for you, my love. Show me you want this.

[ His lips are rather red from the display of emotion but he presses them against Grell's, regardless. It's a far softer kiss than any he's given her before. But this kiss isn't about dominance or rough passion. It's a kiss of trust, love, and of sincere apology. ]

[ Perhaps unsurprisingly, he - with the natural flush of his lips and cheeks, the glisten in his eyes, lashes especially dark and damp - is incredibly attractive to her, in this moment. He's so vulnerable, and though it does make her hunger for him in a predatory sort of way, she's also moved by this rare moment, and the trust he has instilled in her to show it.

Slipping her arms over his shoulders, she returns his kiss. It may not be quite as soft, but it is lovingly passionate and lingering. ]

[ when they finally part, William attempts to right himself. Clearing his throat amd finding a handkerchief to fully clear his face of lingering dampness. ]

I apologize. It shouldnt have taken me this long to confide in you. I should have openned up more that first night together.

[ If he'll let her, Grell will take the handkerchief to diligently dab his tears away, to enjoy the sight just a little bit longer. ]

It isn't as though I've been an open book, myself. [ Finished with his face, she kisses the tip of his nose! ] So, of course, I forgive you.

[ Finally a more familiar look returns to William's face as he scrunches up his nose at that kiss. He leans back, rubbing the spot with the back of his hand, a frown returning. ]

Honestly, was that necessary?

Edited 2020-12-13 08:35 (UTC)

[ A lopsided little grin pulls at her lips. ]

Positively.

[ Now, with the space between them, she undoes the fastenings of her trousers, continuing to dress herself down. ]

You'll be turning me into Management tomorrow, yes?

[ ah so this feels a bit more normal. He watches her for a moment before turning to pull back the covers. ]

Unfortunately you'll be forcing me to work on my day off.

[ With a grimace, she raises herself enough to wriggle the garment down - and while she's there, undoes her boots. It's not the graceful display she'd like to give, but she'll do what she must, in her state. ]

I suppose I'll have to make it up to you.

Aside from the overtime, I feel I should be thanking you. For getting me to open up.

[ seeing her struggle with the aches, he moves closer, helping her to sit before kneeling to help her remove her boots. ]

I can't say management will be as forgiving.

[ Heaving a sigh of relief when he sits her up, she brushes a hand through his hair in silent thanks. ]

Still, they are more likely to show you some leniency for discovering and resolving the issue.

If you hadn't decided to end her life, you may have gotten away with it entirely.

[ Her boots are placed by the bedside, her trousers folded and set atop the nightstand. He then moves to sit beside her, examining a few bruises that sill speckled her legs. ]

Yes, well. She couldn't follow the script.

[ A sigh. ]

Just as well. It wasn't meant to be. Not like us.

Yes, I seem to do no wrong in your eyes.

[ William moves beneath the sheets, expecting her to follow along, despite not having put on the pj bottoms he handed her earlier. ]

Does that bother you?

[ Down to just her socks and panties, it's much as he expected; she hardly protests his lack of assistance with the bottoms, simply pulling on the shirt (with a few pathetic noises) before crawling beneath the covers after him.

And, despite the tenderness all over, she scoots right up against his side. ]

No.

[ He makes certain she's made herself comfortable enough before settling an arm about her waist. ]

If I were to choose now between death and living with my depression, I would much prefer staying here, with you to lean on. So, I feel rather privileged that you didn't strike me down for showing weakness, as you did with her.

Edited 2020-12-13 17:38 (UTC)

[ Head on his shoulder, and a hand upon his chest, Grell shamelessly hums with content. ]

I suppose you are my weakness. [ Yet, she smiles as she peers up at him! ] Though, hearing that-- it's quite nice. I suppose I've always assumed that this was a distraction from the ineffable.

Edited 2020-12-14 01:00 (UTC)

If I recall correctly, our first night together I told you I didnt want you to be nothing more than a distraction.

[ It was so long ago, he's surprised he remembers it so clearly. ]

[ A hum, for she remembers it, too. ]

Yes, well. All considered, I thought that might have been how everything fell into place.

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