thedispatch | (no subject)

(no subject)

[ Graduating from the reaper academy was nothing to brag about. Sure you gained some skills and were granted permission to customize your glasses and scythe, but beyond that, all that was in the newly trained reapers' future was tedious, unavoidable work encased within long nights of depression and regret. Unlike mortal graduations that were followed by celebration, reapers were informed of how they came to be, what was expected of them, should they wish to redeem themselves, and then shown their personal cinematic records. Forced to relive the pain of their mortal lives. To say it's a traumatic experience is a vast understatement.

William stands alone in his newly assigned, permanent flat. It's barely furnished, with just the essentials, no life or personality to be seen. All that's playing through his mind is his record. A horrific thing to rewatch, certainly, but somehow it was made more painful by a fear that had been newly established. He's suddenly feeling sick from the thoughts and has to exit the apartment to collect himself. Glancing up, he sees a brief flicker of bright red at the end of the hall, and before he can stop himself he's following after it. ]

Grell Sutcliffe?

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If you came here simply to yell at me, then get through with it. I'd like to return to bed.

[ While his icy expression may have failed, he's showing no fear in standing up to her inevitable rage. ]

[ Of course, that only makes her angrier! She tosses him aside with a growl. ]

This couldve been done and over with, but you haven't the balls to approach me yourself.

[ And crouching over him, she leans in closer to speak to his face. ]

And I'm not leaving until you tell me why you've been avoiding me.

[ Even as she perches over him, he shows little more than irritation. ]

I have not been avoiding you. I'm simply not in the mood to be around anyone.

With no warning, for a solid week?

[ She'd been looking down her nose at him, as she does with most, but now she's lowered her chin to leer over her glasses. It isn't that she's trying the intimidate him, but she's thoroughly pissed-- because she actually cares! ]

Honestly, would you have even gave me my time if I had said something?

[ He's certain she wouldn't be capable. ]

I'll reiterate what I've said since we began this relationship. I have no experience with this, nor have I ever been the subject of someone's affections.

[ Hissing through her teeth, her hands tighten]

What's that have to do with anything? You wouldn't know unless you'd given me the chance, now, don't you think?

[ He reaches around her arm to adjust his new, customized frames. ]

You are aware now and you're still here.

Because that's hardly an explanation, William.

[ Her voice becomes fairly mocking! ]

You've never been in a relationship before, you poor thing! Of course, you're right, do continue to ignore me for no foreseeable reason!

Edited 2020-12-07 06:43 (UTC)

[ With a heavy and aggrivated huff he makes to sit up, shoving her off him in the process. ]

If I knew how to cope with my depression I wouldn't be in this afterlife to begin with. It was nothing against you personally. Retreating to be alone is what I've always done.

[ Though she very well could have resisted it and kept him down, Grell didn't. Instead, she's on the ground, chest rising as though she hadn't drawn breath since arriving. ]

That's not how you were coping when we were going to bed together.

I also don't want our intimacy to feel like it's nothing more than a coping method. That hardly gives much meaning to it.

[ He looks towards her, his expression less irritated by her and one more of confusion. It's plainly obvious he's lost in this situation. ]

[ Pushing herself up to sit, her expression eases into idle frustration, and she sighs. ]

Is that what it's become?

Yes.

[ He sighs heavily. ]

How do we fix that?

[ For a moment, her mouth works into a frown, resisting upset. ]

If it makes you feel better, I don't mind it - but if that's all I am to you, what is there to be done about that? [ An annoyed tick of the tongue- as though she's been inconvenienced! ] To think, I liked you.

I said that I don't want it to only be a coping method. If you're going to be offended by that then perhaps you have made a mistake.

[ Finally pushing himself up to standing, he sees himself back to his bedroom, leaving her to decide if she wants to bother working on this relationship any further. ]

[ What he hears is a slam of his front door-- but as he'll discover, she was merely closing it (with notable aggression) from their earlier altercation. Seeing herself to his room, she's already done away with her coat, throwing it to the ground beside his bed. ]

Why didn't you just say so, instead of all this bloody nonsense?

[ If he hasn't crawled back into bed already, she'll push him on top of it, to climb on top of, hands fisted into the shirt at his chest. ]

I'm-- quite glad thats all it is, though.

I did say so.

[ He probably could have dodged that shove but he's not in the right frame of mind. Instead he just glares up at her. ]

Which means this isn't going to fix my problem if we jump into bed together.

[ That earns a roll if the eyes, because he surely knows what she meant! ]

It would keep us from reaping one another out of frustration, though.

[ Oh he's certainly frustrated. ]

Again, you're making it a temporary remedy. I don't want to sleep with you just to distract myself. Honestly, how else do I need to explain this to you?

[ A growl of frustration rolls from her throat, bearing her weight into him, mouth bear his, pining. ]

Tell me what it is that we should do, then. We had been doing plenty else, I'd thought. I was enjoying your company - expressing that in every way I could-- again, so I'd thought.

I don't know. It's nothing you're doing wrong. I enjoy my time with you, but I go home afterwards and fall back into the same hole I've been in since I was a child. I want that to change, but it seems my mind won't allow it.

[ His expression softens to one more akin to exasperation. He's at a loss. ]

[ Brow knitting, her gaze lowers. Visibly, she's mulling through his words. ]

Then don't leave me.

[ Raising her eyes to meet his, her confidence falters. She's so rarely honest with her emotions, and she's been treading uncharted territory when she's around William. Her hands ease against his chest. ]

Keep me in your thoughts always, as you are in mine. [ Her eyes search his face, perhaps fearful of his rejection. ] I know your sadness, and I feel for you just the same.

You always think of me?

[ He has to know it's true, for someone with her personality, but it's still something he can't fully believe. He's never felt like anyone wanted to keep him in their thoughts. ]

[ A blink! ]

Of course. As I've said, I really do feel for you, Will. Do-- you ever think of me?

Yes.

[ There's an odd pang of guilt that rings in his chest. ]

I suppose that's when I should have come to see you.